Whatcha talkin’ about Willis?

Serena Southerlyn gay? Where the hell did that come from? For those of you who don’t follow Law & Order, the actress who played Serena, Elizabeth Rohm, is leaving the series. They wrote her character out by having the District Attorney fire her for being too emotionally involved in her case. That was fine, it was in line with how her character was developed. But then in the last seconds, the show just up and jumps the track. She asks, “ You’re not firing me because I’m a lesbian?” The DA says, “No.” To which she replies, “Good… good.”

What the hell! As far as I can remember there has been no previous references to her sexual orientation. Hell, there hasn’t been any indication that she even has a private life.

Come to think about it the characters from the various incarnations of Law & Order (the original, Criminal Intent, Sports Utility Vehicle) and Crime Scene Investigation (Las Vegas, Miami, New York) are a fairly sexless bunch. They are such emotionally closed down individuals that is hard to envision them getting jiggy with a living, breathing human being. The only time I’ve seen Gil Grissom, the reigning king of icy dispassion, warm up to anybody was to a dominatrix who was his prime suspect in a homicide. And let me tell you, you don’t need to get romantically involved if all you’re looking for is having your ass beaten raw.

Or so I’ve been told.

It seems to me that the writers of the L&O and CSI shows have been channeling Jack “Just the facts, Ma’am” Webb for way too long. Maybe that’s why my new favorite is House M.D., the new medical show starring Hugh Laurie. At least the main character has a personality, albeit an arrogant, repellent one.

Still I look forward to the day that the CSI franchise takes a page from the Parker Brother’s game Monopoly, and produces a version for every community. By the time they get to my area all the good songs by The Who will have been taken. And CSI: Bryan/College Station will open to the strains of “Boris the Spider”.

Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly.

New Years Revulsions

It’s already 4 weeks into the new year and I haven’t started on any of my resolutions:

• Go to the gym so I can lose 15 pounds
• Fix my bicycle so I can commute the 2.5 miles from home to work
• Create a new profile for Match.com
• Write in my blog at least 3 times a week
• Restart my comic strips at Stripcreator.com
• Perform a thorough spring cleaning of my house

I know part of the resistance is due to the fact there is so much to do that I don’t now where to start. I have a brand new datebook full of empty pages. Empty, except for my teeth cleaning appointment on Friday. (Fantastic! Now I can look forward to the dental hygienist giving me grief for not flossing.)

Maybe I’ll start on the profile. It would be nice to be in a normal relationship. Normal! Who am I kidding? It would be nice to be in a relationship that doesn’t get me on the Jerry Springer show or Judge Judy.